wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
