dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
