the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
