i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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