i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
