3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
