All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
