Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
