We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
