im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As shirtless as possible
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
