Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
