can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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