two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
