I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
