What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I died a long time ago.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
