Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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