apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
