so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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