So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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