and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
