my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
