so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
