Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
