distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
