Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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