i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
