I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
