I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
