He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
