I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
