she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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