not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
