Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
