Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
