I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
