The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
