did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
