You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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