My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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