Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I CAN MOONWALK!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
