She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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