What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
