I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
