So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
