Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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