I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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