We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
