I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
