I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
