I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
