he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
