Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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