Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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