Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
