Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Farmville is her only friend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Randomize
