The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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