R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
